Emotions Belong in the Office

A few weeks ago, I sat down with my team to discuss ending our virtual existence and returning to campus and personal FTF meetings. Before going into the reasons the university and my department moved to full face-to-face contact in the fall, I wanted to start the meeting by confirming that I understood that not everyone is ready to return to pre-pandemic office life. I wanted to say that I understood that we were facing another turbulent phase, such as when we switched to remote work. And that, like her, I had feelings.

I told them that what I miss most of all about remote work is working at my mother’s home and the wonderful lunch she cooks for me. She was recently transplanted to Brooklyn and in October we moved across the street to be closer to her. That meant that for the past eight months I had a job to work in while my husband oversaw correspondence school for our two children. And I had someone to mother me during this very difficult time – and she had someone to be mothered.

I couldn’t go through this revelation without tears. I went on to try to acknowledge some of the profound losses suffered by our team members who lost family members. More tears. In all honesty, I struggled with my composure for much of the meeting, even explaining how we would begin the transition and expressing my real confidence in our ability.

After the meeting, many reached out to me, like caring people do when someone is visibly emotional, and their overwhelming response has been to thank me for showing empathy, not just lip service. There’s probably a lot to be said about empathy not being something that can be embedded in email, but in this time of heightened vulnerability at the end of a devastating and transformative community experience, I want the place of emotions in re the workplace.

Crying is good for you

The crippling fear of speaking out in a meeting. The burning resentment about an employee’s promotion. A boss’s explosive rage under too much pressure. While I recognize that these emotions can take on unhealthy dimensions when directed outwardly to our colleagues, for the most part we accept them as part of our daily work experience. However, tears, which are a psychological response to difficult emotions, are still relatively taboo.

We pay a price for keeping feelings inside that can trigger emotional tears. There appears to be a scientific consensus that crying is good for you and that not crying or “repressive coping” is linked to an increased risk of cancer, high blood pressure, and coronary artery disease. Influential research by Bessell van der Kolk on the physiological effects of traumatic stress shows how The Body holds the score. And the psychiatrist Judith Orloff puts it clearly: “It’s good to cry. It is healthy to cry. [It] helps to resolve sadness and stress emotionally. “She adds:” Crying is also important to dissolve grief. ”

All of this makes crying almost a prerequisite for successfully emerging from this crisis. So how do we as managers in our departments and on campus welcome this important coping mechanism in our offices for ourselves and others?

Make room for tears

The first step is to acknowledge our instinctive and cultural biases about tears.

She can’t handle it. He is weak. They’re falling apart. We have some pretty outdated ideas about crying, especially crying at work. While anyone who has ever cried knows that these statements are generally untrue, we can still apply them to our co-workers when they get emotional.

Humans are the only species that shed emotional tears. Theories about why we cry advocate that crying has been an integral part of our prosperity from an evolutionary point of view, by promoting social bonds and generating empathy. Babies cry to communicate their needs. While we become more articulate as we age, crying can still be a signal that we need support, and seeking that support, consciously or unconsciously, makes us uniquely human and better able to face difficult situations.

In any case, it is natural to worry about someone crying and offering support, but if we want to signal that it is okay to shed tears at work, then as supporters we must try not to overreact. Crying doesn’t necessarily mean there is a desperate problem that needs immediate response. Realizing that it is often a healthy drain valve can help you uncover the underlying problems more effectively and efficiently.

Don’t let a good crisis fizzle out

I have heard the phrase “don’t let a good crisis go to waste” many times over the past 18 months to talk about seizing this moment to make overdue structural and cultural changes in our institutions where change is usually slow and persistent. As marketers, we are often the biggest proponents of change on campus as we are challenged to introduce new generations with new technologies and new methods of communication to our schools. I am confident that we can also lead the way in introducing a new level of emotional intelligence. Let’s all cry well and be ready for the hard work that lies ahead.

Donna Lehmann is the Assistant Vice President of Marketing at Fordham University in New York City.

source https://collegeeducationnewsllc.com/emotions-belong-in-the-office/