Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have three children who mean the world to me. I’m sure that when people look inside out, they think everything is great. However, my wife developed a drinking problem.
She says it’s not a problem, but I have to disagree. Every evening she drinks between six and eight drinks. It starts right after she comes home and continues until she goes to bed.
She often goes downstairs to be alone and drink while “working” or “running errands” on her computer. I’ll find the cans later in your car or in the basement. That’s all while I’m getting the kids ready for bed and reading to them, which I don’t mind at all. But we have three young children and sometimes it is not easy to cope with them on your own every night. But I love to hang out with them.
I tried to talk to her and see if there was anything personal going on, anything at work that she might feel stressed about from feeling the need to drink so much every day. But she insists that she is fine. It ended in a lot of fighting. I just tried not to buy alcohol. I tried to limit it. I’ve tried not to care and just let her drink as much as she wants (as long as she doesn’t drive our kids anywhere). It’s got to a point now where I’ve gone numb and feel like it’s a fight not worth my time.
I want to help her, but she thinks she doesn’t need any help. – Helpless husband
Dear helpless husband, get in touch with Al-Anon today. You sound like a wonderful husband and father. Your wife’s alcoholism is a disease – not a lack of willpower or moral failure on your part. But until she admits she has a problem, she’ll deny it and stay drunk.
If you need to hire babysitters so you can attend Al-Anon meetings, so be it. You will find that you are not alone and receive support and suggestions to help you cope.
Dear Annie: I want to share something with the high school senior struggling with college funding. There are tons of resources out there that can help! Since she plans to start at the adult education center, the college’s financial assistance office should have advisors available to help her fill out the FAFSA (Federal Aid for Student Aid), which is now mostly online. Yes, it can be very overwhelming if you haven’t experienced it.
You can also let them know about potential scholarships when they are eligible for a scholarship and guide them through the student loan process. They may also have jobs on campus, usually referred to as work studies. These jobs were an important part of my college education, and they were great because I could often study or do homework while I was on the job (working in the library and at the student center desk). And while student loans sound scary, repayment doesn’t begin until six months after graduation. Then the lender can work out a repayment option that may take longer but for an amount you can afford.
Education is a fabulous investment in yourself that no one can take away from you. If the E and O is found, financial concern shouldn’t be as big a barrier as it currently seems. Good luck! — Was there
Dear me: Thank you for sharing your experience. Your letter offers some wonderful suggestions for students. Congratulations on your success.
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